A Guide for Having Fun on St. Patrick’s Day (Without Being a Douche)

St. Patrick’s Day can be challenging for many.  It’s arguably the biggest amateur night for drinkers, even beyond New Year’s Eve.  It’s a fine line between giant, annoying frat party and one hell of a good time.  We here at the Wagon would like to help your St. Patrick’s Day be a bit less frat and a lot more fun.

Attire:

Do wear green or orange. However, if you choose to wear orange you should definitely understand the meaning behind this, be prepared to defend that meaning, and…

Do not start a holy war on Blake Street.

Do wear silly things on your head, regardless of what you partner or best friend may say.

Do not wear things on your head that you find after the parade has passed, it’s most likely covered in horse or llama shit.

Do not wear “Kiss Me I’m Irish” anything unless you are actually Irish. You will get your non-Irish ass kicked for this.

Drinking:

Do patronize Denver local bars like Star Bar – official St Patrick’s Day HQ for Denver off the Wagon, Lancer Lounge – $2.00 corned beef & cabbage all day, the Irish Snug, featuring traditional food and Irish Step Dancers and Denver Beer Co for Kegs and Eggs at 9am.

Do try and stay away from places like Chili’s.

Do not drink any beer that is green in color. It’s not natural.

Do order fun St. Patrick’s Day drinks.

Do not order Irish Car Bombs or Black and Tans – highly offensive to the people that gave you St. Patrick’s Day.

According to my mother, do not ask bartender’s in Utah to color your beer green.  Still waiting for the story around that.  I am sure it’s a good one.

Parade Watching:

Do come down to watch the Golden Jubilee of the Denver St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

Do pay particular attention to the Star Bar/Denver off the Wagon Float – we have horses!

Do not drink and drive.  Seriously.

Do try and position yourself around 23rd ish and Blake.  Optimal watching and quick get-aways to food and booze.

Behavior:

Do have one hell of a good time.

Do not get so drunk that you need a babysitter.  Especially if it’s a first date.  Oh yeah, I am talking to you, guy that I will never see again.

Do remember, drinking holidays are marathons, not sprints.

Do not ask a cop if you can buy his mustache.  This will not end well and you will most likely end up handcuffed to a bike rack.  Ask Jim.

Do not keep going when you have clearly broken bones in your foot.  This will lead to extensive reconstructive surgery.  Ask me.

Do not mistake a midget (or child) for a leprechaun.  They do not want to show you their pot of gold.  Neither does anyone else.

Ladies do not enjoy the pick up line “Want to taste my lucky charms?”  However, I am no lady – ask away.

And don’t forget to hug a redhead!

About Michelle Simons


Michelle likes beer, booze, bands, beards and boys. And alliteration.

  • Rehoskins

    Aye, they’re always after me lucky charms.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kyle.a.freeman Kyle Freeman

    It would seem that wearing Protestant orange on a Catholic holiday would be offensive. I consulted someone who has lived in Ireland, and they agreed. File it under “do not”.