No 7: Manischewitz

Tonight is the 8th and last night of Hanukkah. That number is fitting.

How old were you when you had your first drop of alcohol?

I was 8.

Eight days, that is.

I won’t go into too much detail, but it was my בְּרִית מִילָה. Obviously.

Part of the ceremony involves a blessing over wine. Thankfully, mercifully, I was given a drop of the wine. Literally, my first drop of alcohol was a drop. Nothing more. But when you’re 7 pounds, 4 ounces, a drop is enough.

And what better wine for the occasion than the concord grape-based Manischewitz kosher wine?

Manischewitz!

The next time I had the privilege to drink this drank was more than a decade later. Still massively underage, the sticky-sweet corn-syrup fortified beverage was the merciful benefactor for many a Passover sedar. “But PJ!”, you’re probably shouting at the inanimate object that is your screen, “corn-syrup isn’t kosher for Passover!” Right? That’s what you’re shouting, right? Well, astute reader, I’m not that good of a Jew. I’m Jewish.

That was a joke.

Anyway, the previous collection of anecdotes and stream-of-consciousness words have been brought to you by a Manischewitz buzz. It’s not that good, and it really doesn’t make much sense, and I’m referring to both my words and the wine.

Requirements:

  • 1 bottle of Manischewitz kosher wine
  • 3 glasses
  • 1 bottle of something you like

Preparation:

  • Pour a small glass of wine for yourself
  • Pour a small glass of wine for Elijah
  • Ask your nearest Jewish friend what the previous step was for

Execution

  • Try the wine
  • Pour yourself a glass of the stuff you actually like
  • Carry on with your day

Alternatives

  • Mani Spritzer (credit)
  • Dye for your Barney costume
  • Anesthesia for an 8-day old male child

[See all of The 12 Days of a Wagon Christmakwanakah]

About PJ Hoberman


PJ likes beer. A lot. And whiskey. Gin. Wine. Cocktails. Um.. what were we talking about?