By Julia Yugel and Lisa Bongiovanni
Fear not. Should your focus stray from the copious amounts of beer you’ll be consuming, you may realize that there couldn’t be a better time to hit on an absolute stranger than at a beer festival in the middle of the day.
In all seriousness, beer festivals are a great place to meet a potential mate. It’s like a giant outdoor bar and your beer goggles are firmly in place about 30 minutes in (due to the inherent need to try every single beer).
And, since most beer festivals are in the afternoon, you’ll be going home with them around 8 pm. So if you sober up at 11 at night and realize that you’ve slept with a Zach Galifinakis look-alike, there’s still plenty of time to go out downtown and try for round two!
Guys, generally beer festivals are also a bit of a sausage fest, so if you’re going to pick up one of the awesome women in attendance, you need an edge.
Here are 11 tips and tricks for winning over a lady at a beer festival.
- DO: Offer to take a picture for her
If you see a girl struggling to hold her beer, her purse, miscellaneous things and also get her camera to take a picture, offer to help. If she’s with her friends, offer to take a picture of all of them.
- DON’T: Ask if you can get a copy of the picture
It makes everyone uncomfortable and is NOT a cute line. Especially if your wedding ring is visible.
- DON’T: Offer to buy a girl a beer
You’re at a beer festival. You both paid to get in. Offering to buy her one makes you look like a cheapskate BECAUSE ALL OF THE BEER IS FREE. Instead, offer her something that has value, like food, or a servant to carry her beer.
- DO: Offer to buy a girl a cupcake from a food truck
Okay, this one is more applicable specifically to the Stapleton Beer Festival, as there will be numerous food trucks to choose from, but in any situation offering to get her food is a nice gesture. It shows that you care about her well-being as well as your financial ability to provide. If you are less-than-able to buy food, we suggest discreetly stealing a pretzel necklace to present to her.
- DO: Ask her what her favorite beer is
If a girl is at a beer festival, it’s because she likes beer. And probably knows her shit. This is a great icebreaker conversation, because it involves a topic you both love– craft beers.
- DON’T: Assume that she only likes ‘girly’ beers
I know plenty of girls who turn their noses up at Animee and all other “female friendly beers” i.e. fruity, light beers (lambics, dunkels, berlinerweiss, wits, etc. excluded), and will pick a hoppy IPA over any other beer any day. Girls at a beer festival are there to be exposed to all kinds of beer. If they do like fruity or light beers, it’s because it’s a well-crafted German Pilsner, or an ale-gone-sour with a hint of cranberry and wood. Not that kind of wood!
- DO: Put some consideration into your picks (this goes for both women and your beer)
Start looking for your potential hookup early on before you’re too drunk to even properly introduce yourself. Look for girls in smaller groups, but groups that have no less than 3. If a girl is there with only one other person, that friend probably isn’t going to be happy about you butting in. Don’t take a wrong turn and incorrectly assume if a girl is there with guys that she’s not single– observe the group’s behavior and then make your move.
- DON’T: Pick up a girl on the way out
Although this might lead to a higher success rate, it might also lead to a higher rate of someone vomiting in your bed.
- DO: Offer to finish off a lingering beer in her cup that she may not like
If you notice a girl making a face as she struggles to drink her sample, offer to finish it for her. It’s a chivalrous act if you read the situation right. Say something like, “Not enjoying that beer, huh? Want me to finish it for you?” That way, you don’t just look like you’re trying to steal free beer or insult her.
DON’T: Slap a brewery sticker on her butt
It hurts, it’s rude and it makes you look like a jerk.
- DO: Let HER slap a brewery sticker on your butt
Double standard? Totally. But letting her do that shows you have a sense of humor and can go along with the flow.
The Great American Beer Festival is two months away, which leaves plenty of time to refine your pickup skills and prepare for the mother of all meat markets (sorry, we meant mother of all beer festivals). Good luck!
Disclaimer: This guide is meant to be enjoyed, laughed with (or at, if you’re that kind of person), and taken with two grains of salt and a pinch of pepper. Reading this with any aspirations besides the aforementioned methods is highly discouraged.